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There was no lust, or desire, she certainly didn't want a man to fuck her, I had never seen a woman's sexual nature, not live, not in person, I had never mounted a person, my dick had never been inside anyone. But it was a trap, a terrible trap, her total vulnerability, my male hormones, I was going to protect her whether she needed it or not, and I had to put her under my control, I took her and fucked her. Maybe my sensitivity to her lesbian nature, maybe my homosexual nature gave her comfort. She was 19, and lesbian coming off a very bad breakup, the first time in love with a girl, and her girl dumped her like yesterday's garbage. Then five years ago this young woman comes into my life. I got possessive a couple of times, but I had to control the potential destructive nature of the relationships and cut them off myself. For the better part of 15 years I had casual acquaintances, some got possessive and I broke it off quickly, I didn't want any baggage. I supposed if you're a young high school kid getting topped they accept you, but not if you're the rising executive. The working world is not open to such men, men who suck another man's dick, who let another man top them. I think you will always remember the first man who topped you, that feeling of submission, dread and pleasure all wrapped into one. He is the first man to mount me and take me. In those days we didn't advertise our desires, but obviously we had desires and it became a sick, orgy of sex. We had classes together, we did things together, and one night, it was pretty late, we had just finished watching a movie, I went over and laid my head in his lap and held his dick and sucked his dick and he let me.
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In many ways that crush is still with me and I'm still in love with him. If I close my eyes I can feel his dick in my hand and I can recreate the sensation of his dick in my mouth. I had my loves, my first big crush when I was fourteen, the first boy I kissed, the first dick I sucked. Let me start saying that I am homosexual and so is she. I'm 45 with a woman in my life and two kids.